My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished.
The dog lead went slack
I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."
I named my horse Mayo.
Mayo neighs.
i would tell a pussy joke, but you would never get it
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?
Free dog food.
When you can’t have Chinese food because you don’t have any pets,
Just eat African food, you have plenty of neighbors!
god creating cats GOD:make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of ANGEL:ok.......................................anything else GOD:YES PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!
Did you know that Helen Keller had a dog?
Well neither did she!!!
"How was your day?" "It was great" "what was so great about it?" "i saw a puppy" "awww" "and i ran over it :)"
You got a dig bick.
You that read wrong.
You read that wrong too.
Maybe you that read wrong as well.
You just went and back checked.
You reread of all that.
You have a pet wussy.
You that read wrong...
You need mental help.
A man decides on a day that it is time to buy a pet. He goes to the pet store, looks around and sees a beautiful parrot, sitting quietly on a stick in his cage. Yet the beast has no feet and paws. "What is the matter with you?" the man thinks aloud. "Well, that's how I was born, I'm actually a faulty parrot" says the bird. "Haha," the man laughs, "it seems like that parrot understands what I'm saying and even answers!" "I understand everything you say, I am extremely intelligent and very well educated," says the bird. "Well, if you're so smart then tell me how you can stay on your stick without legs." "Well," says the parrot, "it's a bit embarrassing, but okay, I wrap my little parrot penis around the stick, like a hook, but I hide that with my thick feathers." "Wow, you really understand everything I say, do not you?" "Yes, yes," replies the bird, "and I speak Spanish and English fluently, I can speak on a level about almost everything, politics, religion, sport and philosophy and I specialize in bird science, you should buy me, I am also a very good friend for you. " The man looks at the price tag, 200 euros is on it. "Sorry, I can not afford that." "Psst," whispers the parrot as he beckons the man with his wing closer. "Nobody wants me because I do not have legs, just bid 25 euros and you can take me with you." The man offers 25 euros and walks 5 minutes later with the parrot out of the store. A few weeks pass. The parrot is sensational. He is fun and interesting, gives good advice, is sympathetic to everyone, in short; the perfect roommate and friend. One day the man comes home from work and the parrot says "Pssssssssssst" while he beckons his wing again. The man comes close to the cage. "I do not know if I should tell you this," says the parrot, "but it's about your wife and the postman." "What!?" says the man. "Well, the postman came to the door and your wife greeted him in a nothing disguised nightgown and kissed him flat on the mouth." "And then," the man hisses, "What happened then?" "Well, the postman came in, grabbed her nightgown and started caressing her everywhere." "My God," says the now furious man, "And what else did they do?" "Then he took off her nightgown, went through his knees and started to lick her everywhere, starting at her breasts and getting further and further down." "And then, what happened, what else did they do?" the man screams . "No idea," says the papgaai, "I got a boner and thundered off my stick ..."
When you steal the weird pet rock so he pulls out his pet glock
What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow!
What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.
People want to be nice to each other, because they only have one life, and they want to live it well.
Sucks to be them. I'm a cat.
What do you call a dog with no legs?? ...you cant call it anything. It won't vome to you
Me holding a new cat: Say Hi to my little friend! My friends: Hi to my little friend!
A cat gets its tail run over, and it’s mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
I left my dog at home once and when I came home it was a mess, lets say I was in a RUFF situation
Why did Helen Kellers dog run away, you'd run too if your name was dgergbbfdnbj
