Pet jokes

What did the squirrel say to the dog?

"There are nuts in your poop. I found them!"

What kind of dog can do magic tricks?

A labracadabrador.

If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?

What soda do dogs drink? Pupsi.

I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I walk 5 miles each day.

But today I ran OVER 5 miles... oops!

"How was your day?"

"It was great."

"What was so great about it?"

"I saw a puppy."

"Awww."

"And I ran over it :)"

What is a doll's favorite dog? A doll-matian.

Why was the dog staying in the shade?

Because it didn't want to be a hot dog!

My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. Do you know what he said?

"Get your paws off!" 💩💩💩

I was reading a book about an immortal dog, it was impossible to put down.

I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.

I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.

She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."

What do you call a girl furry?

A pussy cat.

What’s the difference between a dog and parents?

If an orphan calls their name, only the dog comes back.

The last thing I said to my dog was,

"Play dead."

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn’t matter what you call it; it won’t come to you.

I met an orphan with a dog yesterday. I chose the dog.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Ken.

Ken who?

Can you walk the dog for me?

I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.

And then I noticed that my cat was missing.

What is a dog's favorite music?

Pup rock