Pet jokes

The last thing I said to my dog was,

"Play dead."

What’s the difference between a dog and parents?

If an orphan calls their name, only the dog comes back.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn’t matter what you call it; it won’t come to you.

I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.

She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."

I met an orphan with a dog yesterday. I chose the dog.

I was reading a book about an immortal dog, it was impossible to put down.

I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Ken.

Ken who?

Can you walk the dog for me?

I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.

And then I noticed that my cat was missing.

God creates dog.

God: "You are man's best friend."

Dog: "That's pretty sexist."

God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"

Dog: "....."

God: "And chocolate kills you!"

Dog: "🐶"

Why was the dog staying in the shade?

Because it didn't want to be a hot dog!

My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. Do you know what he said?

"Get your paws off!" 💩💩💩

What is a doll's favorite dog? A doll-matian.

A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”

The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”

Guess who dies next.

I did a good walk and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and walk, walk home, and walk, walk home from school, and people live in the house with my dog. I had to a dog and.

What does a male Asian P*rnstar like to say?

"I love eating cat."

My dog died. I'm so sad.

What’s the difference between a puppy and a fork?

I don’t microwave forks.

My cat's breath smells like cat food.

What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?

A sourpuss.