people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don't like going to school
Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey
Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born
Person 1: you are the dumbest person in the class. Person 2: well ur the second. Person 2: maybe but at least im not the dummest. Person 2: i know how to fix that! ... Next day person commits sucide...
Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.
Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.
Person 1: stop making suicidal jokes!? Person 2: okay okay, I’ll cut it out. Person 1: really? Person 2: their not even that deep.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1:God,I can only imagine what was going through those kids heads in the last moments of their lives... Person 2:Probably Bullets Person 1:OMG!!Can you even think of what their parents are going through?! Person 2:Probably Coffin Brochures Person 1:.... Person 2:Its called dark humor.Dark humor is like food,not everyone gets it.
A funny joke scenario Person 1: Why didn't he skeleton go to the dance?
Person 2: Because he had no "body" to go with.
Person 1: Because he was ugly fat and nobody liked him
Person 1 : "Where was Hiroshima?" Person 2 "In Japan" Person 1 "No wonder! That's why they never saw it coming."
Person 1:“Hey today was great” Person 2:“What happened” Person 1:“I ran into my ex today” Person 2:“What’s so great about that?” Person 1:“I was in my car”
Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything and person #2 orders a chili.
Person #1: Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?
Person #2: No you can have it.
Person #1: Ok, thanks...
Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.
Person #2: That’s about as far as I got too!
Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11? Person 2: No, but'll probably crash and burn.
Person 1: hi i am tom.. and you ? person 2: andrew ?
Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today? Person 2: “Seven” Person: 1: “What the fuck dude..” Person 2: “I know right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.” (Based on an encounter I had recently)
Person 1: Why did you put the baby feet first into the blender?
Person 2: To see his facial expression. Why else?
Person 1: “You assume I’m gay because I have rainbow hair, I’m wearing a rainbow shirt, and I have a rainbow pride flag behind me?”
Person 2: “You assume I’m disabled because I have deformed arms and limbs, no legs, and I ride around in a wheelchair?”
person 1- I heard oxygen and magnesium went on a date. person 2- OMg
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: dunno what’s the minor population?
Person 1 " I love KFC" Person 2 "yeah, me too!" Person 1 " How many have you gotten?" Person 2 " How am I supposed too remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?" Person 1 " Chicken? What chicken, what do you think KFC stands for?" Person 2 "? Kentucky Fried Chicken?" Person 1 " What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children." Person 2 " BLOODY WHATT??"
Person 1: Hey did you here about the circus fire? Person 2: No. Person 1: it was in-tents
Person 1 says to Person 2: "I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith." So Person 2 says to person 1: "What's the name of his other leg?"
Person 1: Do you know Imagine Dragons? Person 2: Yeah. Person 1: Imagine Dragon these nuts across your face!
