Peanut jokes

Why do elephants never get rich?

Because they work for peanuts!

There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says he's gay. He can't be though... he's allergic to nuts!

My arse hole hurts like no joke, man. I just had to tell that your heads a peanut, you fucking nonce, kid, you fat fuck sack, your mum you dirty cow!

What does the Peanut Butter Baby say?

"Ah!"

Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

My Smoothie Ingredients: - Bananas - Strawberry - The Blood of my ex - Peanut Butter

What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?

Afterbirth.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"

My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.

I put peanut butter on my asshole so the dog would lick it, but instead I got bit by ants.

There were two peanuts walking down an alley. One was assaulted.

What do women and peanut butter have in common?

They're both easy to spread.

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.