Peanut jokes
What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?
With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.
I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.
The peanut gained confidence and finally came out of its shell.
The nut is so solid, it’s peanut brittle.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter's dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Peanut. Peanut who? Peanut butter open the door!
So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."
And her mom said, "WHAT?!"
And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"
Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."