Parentage jokes

I was naughty at school and my teacher said she's going to tell my dad. I was like, "Who's that?"

Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?

Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...

Son: Am I kidnapped?

Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.

Your mom! Oh wait, you don't have one.

You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?

So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."

My name is what orphans can never have.

I would tell you a story of my dad... If I knew who he was.

Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.

Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!

I told an orphan his dad is Spider-Man: Far From Home.

A husband and a wife have four children. The oldest three are tall with blonde hair. The youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said, "Honey, can you be completely honest with me? Is our youngest son mine?" The wife says, "I swear to all that is holy, he is your son." Then the husband died and the wife muttered, "Thank god he didn't ask about the other three."

A person told an orphan to not move; otherwise, they would kill their parents. What did the orphan do?

It danced its a** off.

I saw a kid on the curb while I was on a walk, and he was in baggy clothes, and I said, "Are you an orphan?" He said, "Yeah." And the orphan said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Ur parents."

Me: Shut up! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell your parents!

You: Why? I don't have any.

What’s the difference between a clock and an orphan's parents?

The clock actually comes back around.

A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.

He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"

"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.

Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"

Why do orphans pray to God?

So they have someone to call father.

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"

Why can’t orphans tell jokes?

Because their parents can’t *bear* the *jeans* because they don’t have any.

Me: Why am I an orphan?

Friend: I don't know.

Me: Ask your mom.