Out jokes

Family all eating at the table.

Brother: "Hmm, I think I feel gold."

Sister: "Stop the cap."

Brother looks under the table and says, "Nope, just a gold digger."

Dad laughed.

Stepmom storms out of the room.

Neona (😞): Are you mad at me?

Gwen (😌): Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen, let's just hug it out!

Neona (😁): Agreed!

So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody.

*pulls out noose* "COME HANG!"

*pulls out gun* Let's go out with a bang... Bang- *gunshot*

Why did the kid throw the clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly.

Wanna come hang out with me?

What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

Someone said to me when it was winter it[’]s time for you to “chill out.” I was like 👁👄👁

When you are sitting outside at school and this boy comes up to you with a rock in his hand and says, "Do you know where Mrs. Stewart is at?"

Two friends fighting.

Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"

Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."

"Imagine being an orphan, could never be me," I say. For some reason, everyone started crying, then I walked out of Dave's orphanage.

Bring out your weapons, people.

It's bullying time.

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

I'm gonna blow out your lungs faster than Joe Biden thinks is possible with a 9mm.

Kid me: I lost my stick.

Teacher: No, you didn’t.

Kid me: How do you know that?

Teacher: It’s hanging out of your pants.

I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.

What do lesbians and turtles have in common?

They both eat plastic. (I'm sorry to the lesbians out there; this is a joke, not real.)

Why do cheetahs have spots outside of their bodies?

Because they don't have them on the inside.

How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."

Did you hear about the cello player who dreamed he was performing Bolero?

He woke up and found out it was true.

A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."