Out jokes

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 and 976 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone, and money falls out.

What does a gun and gum have in common?

When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.

A few years ago I had a brush with cancer...

All of the bristles fell out!

Your hairline is so far back that I can't even back out of my car.

Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:

"What advice do you have for people out there?"

As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.

I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay now.

I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay.

What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?

Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.

I saw a girl crying. I told her, "Where are your parents?" She cried more after that. I got kicked out of the orphanage.

My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.

"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.

"Why?" I asked.

My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"

What do guns and gum have in common?

When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.

How do you get an emo kid out of a tree? Cut the rope.

A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."

The officer said, "There is no traffic."

The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"

I was digging outside and I found my child's old toy, so I ran to find him, but I could not find him, so I was searching for about 6 hours, but then I remembered why I was digging......

I was in Afghanistan and I had been captured by the Taliban. I was going to get the death penalty.

Suddenly a man came out of nowhere and offered to take the penalty. It was my idolo Penaldo. He missed the penalty. Now I will die. Shame on u Penaldo!

Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"

Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."

Children and your meat are actually quite similar.

At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.

What goes in hard and comes out soft? A toothbrush.

Your forehead so big you got to go outside to think.

So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.