One jokes
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers, and says, "You guys should know your limits."
Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.
Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."
The other asks, "Are you sure?"
"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say."
The doctor says, "Next, please."
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand store!
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.
Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.
A fake name and a fake phone number.
What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names.
Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?
It's called "One More Thyme."
What did one fish say to the other?
Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.