Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Why could she not get back up? Because she had no friends.
Knock knock? Who's there? Not Susie...
Off Jokes
If you ever get bored, tell an orphan to take two days off their calendar. If they ask why, say, "Because you're missing Father's Day and Mother's Day."
How did the Apple and the emo fall off the tree at the same time?
Because Paul Walker crashed into it.
Why doesn't Voldemort have a human nose?
Because his snake bit it off!
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
Angel: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
Satan: Could you like FUCK OFF FOR ONE MINUTE?
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because someone booted her in the face. 🤣🤣
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
I heard guns kill people, so I gave up my right to own one.
Then I heard dicks rape people, so I chopped it off.
If I saw a homosexual or transsexual man do so much as TOUCH my child, he would be dead, zombified, and castrated by the end of the day.
Protect your young'uns from these degenerate freaks and live off the grid so they have no bearing on your life.
Why does Michael Jackson like to shop at Walmart?
Little boys' pants are half off!
You have an entire life being an idiot, why not take a day off?
What do you call a pissed off midget?
A micro-aggression.
*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victim's Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..."
Me: "Honestly... Probably his ass."
Hi guys, I am so happy and proud of myself and I thought I should share with you! Today I saw myself on TV when I turned it off.
How to decorate a wall:
Strip off the paper and original plaster.
Put on fresh plaster and wallpaper.
Paint it (if you want).
Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply.
Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms or legs.
What's more fun than nailing a baby to the floor?
Ripping it off with a kick!
Hippity Hoppity, women are my property.
Bippity Boppity, get the f*ck off my property!
The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.
