Observation jokes

Your mom is so fat the space shuttle can see her from 10,000 miles away.

I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.

I can also tell if they are standing.

I saw a man. I saw another man. And I saw another. Where am I? Comment below.

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

You should wear binoculars when calculating. It helps divide.

I took an hour-long shower. The German officers were looking at me kinda scared.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.

When you realize your friend standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does.

Your hairline is like the universe. It's still waiting to be discovered.

Your hairline is so nonexistent, even the universe couldn't find it.

When I saw a kid fall with no legs, I said, "Just walk it off!"

Your hairline's so far back, you need binoculars to see it.

Man, your hairline is so far back, archaeologists couldn't find it.

A telescope has two uses:

1. To look in space. 2. To see your hairline.

"Chris, I just saw five fat people, and you are one of them."

Your hairline legit looks like the Himalayan mountain range, except you need binoculars to find it.

I saw an orphan on the road. I asked him if he's an orphan. The kid says, "Yeah, what gave it away?"

I say, "Your parents."

Like it if you judge people's hairlines.

They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.

It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.

Your hairline is back, people say. "Look at this dude."