No arms jokes
An astronaut has had a mid-life crisis. He decides to leave everything behind and become a country farmer.
He buys some land and equips himself with everything he needs. The following Monday, he's ready to go with his hoe in hand and is about to walk out the gate, but he can't get through.
Why, you might ask? He's got no arms.
A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"
The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"
Why did Shelley fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What do you call a man with no arms or legs being pulled by a boat?
Skip.
What do you say to a girl with no arms and no legs? Nice boobs!
What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, he still hasn't opened it yet.
Why couldn't the girl with no arms hug her parents?
Because she had none of the above.
One time, there was a happy little girl. One day, her teacher asked how many legs and arms a pineapple have. She said,
"You know those pokey things on it? That's how many."
Teacher says, "That's dumb. They have zero." Then the next day, the girl set a fire in her house, and she burned her legs and arms. Then she survived and went to school. Then the teacher said, "I heard your house went on fire, and by the way, you know you don't have no arms or legs, right?" The girl said, "OK." Then the teacher asked the question the teacher asked yesterday again. She said, "What do you call a girl with no legs or arms?" The teacher said, "Answer my question!" The girl said, "OK, OK, the girl said 13." The teacher said, "Pineapples do not even have legs!"
Then the teacher had to calm down. Then the teacher said to the girl, "Ask a question. Whatever you want." Then the girl said, "Ok, and I'm sorry, teacher." Teacher said, "It's ok, I need a break." The girl said, "What do you call a girl without legs or arms?" Someone from the class, her name was Nia, she said, "A worm." She said, "NO!!!" The teacher said, "Calm down. Just tell us what!" The girl said, "OK then." The girl said it.......
And y'all who is reading my story, guess what the answer is before I tell you and by the way the girl's name is Sunny. Back to story.........she said the answer is A PINEAPPLE! Then when the teacher was calm, she told her to sit down. Then the teacher read a story, "The Three Little Pigs." Then the girl went home, she got a new house, then lived happily ever after.
What do you call a blind kid with an eye patch and no arms?
Names.
What can’t a person with no arms do: if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.
Son: Dad, what's dark humor?
Dad: Do you see the guy over there with no arms?
Son: No, I'm blind.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.
Why did Joe get hit by a bus? Sally was driving it.
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
Why did Sally drown in the pool?
She had no arms, remember.
Why couldn't the farmer tend to the crops?
Because he's got no arms.
What do you call a person with no arms and legs?
You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.
What do you say to a feminist with no arms and no legs?
"Nice tits, bitch."
Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Why could she not get back up? Because she had no friends.
Knock knock? Who's there? Not Susie...
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? Because she has no arms.
She responds: “See that man over there with no arms? Tell him to clap.”
The kid replies: “But, Mom, I’m blind!”
Mom: “Exactly.”