Why are Elmo’s jealous of lights?
Lights are hanging.
Worst Jokes Ever
I would make a joke about fat people, but they already have enough on their plate.
My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.
What is the difference between a fat person and a whole pizza?
Well, a whole pizza cannot eat a fat person.
What makes an orphan jump?
A bridge.
I am the orphan joke.
Yo, your hairline so messed up God said your hairline on the cross getting hit on that cross.
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
When you call the Middle Eastern suicide hotline, they ask you if you can fly a plane.
Do you remember what Bruce Willis' last movies were?
Neither does he.
I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.
I'm gonna cut my life off.
A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."
What do you call 2 nudists in Africa?
Naked and Afraid.
Why did the sperm cross the road? ———— because I put on the wrong sock today.
What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.
So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.
Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.
A funny joke:
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Who. "Who who?" Ha, who who, you sound like an owl! "Fuck you!"
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They can’t find home.
