Worst Jokes Ever

The reason why in the US their emergency number is 911 is because of my uncle Mohamed, RIP, best pilot ever.

What type of flower does an orphan use?

Self-raising flour.

What did the North Tower say to the South Tower?...

"Catch you later!"

Yo, barber fucked up so bad he had to get a breathalyzer test.

Yo, barber fucked up so bad he pulled out a "Plants vs. Zombies" map and that shii fit perfectly.

Yo mama so fat, she could fly a hot air balloon by letting out her gas.

Yo mama so ugly, when she tried to enter an ugly contest, they said they didn't allow professionals.

The other day my wife told me to pass her her lipstick, but I accidently passed her a glue stick... she still isn't talking to me.

Boss: Have a good day.

Me: *goes home*

Too many people.

Not enough VooDoo dolls.

"I've only been ripped off twice in my life. The first time was when I ordered three kebabs and they only delivered two. The second time was when we signed Cristiano Ronaldo."

-Al Nassr owner

Me: I found a group of furries in the woods.

Voice in back: Well, it looks like we're going huntin'.

Why do orphans go to the ancient pyramids for vacation?

In hope to find a mummy.

Guy: You won't eat a human, so why do you eat meat?

Other Guy: It is bold of you to think I won't eat a human.

I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)

Your mom is so ugly when she tried to enter the ugly contest, they said they don't allow professionals.

Yo mama is so fat when she stepped on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

What do you call a white person having a seizure?

A milkshake.

What did the evil chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.

Had an amazing night with this girl, woke up, and it was my aunt. Now I’m in love.