Worst Jokes Ever

My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.

What do you call a chair?

I don't know. What?

Oh, hi, Chairity!

Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind your f***ing business like damn.

Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?

Because every play has a cast.

You know what should give up and stay dead?

Fortnite.

Roses are red.

Grass is green.

I think of you sucking my peen.

"I was lost in the woods yesterday."

"I was in some sticky situation..."

At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.

What do cows like to watch? Moovies.

What do you call a cow on steroids? A bull-y.

What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?

Car-los

Chuck Norris would have died a couple of years ago, but death hasn't built up the courage to tell him.

what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.

"Out of the way, I need to Caterpie."

Reeeeeeeeeeee!

Why do lions always lose at poker?

Because they always play against cheetahs.

Have you heard of the new book about anti-gravity?

Well, I just can't seem to put it down.

Why don't Jedi like their female relatives?

Because they are Sith-ters.

I could tell you the one about the broken pencil... but it's pointless.

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.

- That girl was hot. - She's my cousin!