Worst Jokes Ever
What is the difference between a magic house 🏠 and a human?
A magic house 🏡 can fly, but a human cannot fly.
What time is it when you cannot walk? Time to get a wheelchair 🦽.
What time is it when you get mad 😡 at school? Time to calm down.
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
Me: Wanna play 9/11?
Friend: What's that?
Me: It's a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
What is the difference between a human and a can?
A human can walk and a can cannot walk.
I have special needs, and I was born with it.
Why did the clock out the library?
It tocked too much!
Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "
". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"
Divorce is scheduled for next month.
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
Why wasn’t the cheese 🧀 happy?
It was blue 😔.
A boy was following me for 8 years, even into the stall. I finally told him I’m not gay.
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!
Why doesn’t Chuck Norris flush the toilet?
He doesn’t have to, he scares the shit out of the toilet.
It's embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down. Luckily, the supermarket is just around the corner.
Dad, I'm hungry.
Hi, hungry, I'm Dad! 👋🍪🍩🍬🌮🍔🍗🍟🍤🍉🍭🍫🍰
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Boo." "Boo who?" "Don't cry in front of me, or else I'll cry!"
What does an eighty-year-old woman have in between her boobs that a twenty-year-old woman doesn't?
A belly button.
Why do New Yorkers get what Spider-Man is saying?
Because he always makes spider-sense.
What kind of bagel can fly?
A plain.