Worst Jokes Ever
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"
Me: I’m gonna smite the life out of you!!!
Orphan: What! No! Please no!
Me: What you gonna do? Run home and tell your parents? Wait, I forgot, you don’t have a home or parents!!!!
Why didn't the orange go to the doctor?
Because he had vitamin C.
You must have a good power supply, because you're easy to turn on!
I don't think I'm allergic to this.
Why doesn't Barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box!
A duck walks into a bar. The duck says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No." Then the duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "NO!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No, and if you say that one more time I will nail your bill to this bar!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any nails?" The bartender says, "No." The duck says, "Well then, bartender, got any bread?"
What was I saying again?
When you have sex with a coworker but remember it's a family business.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?
Other person: Yes.
Sorry, I'm still working on it! 😅
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”
Hey ummm help!
When your parents say, "We are sorry that you are here," what do you think of that?
I think that you're an accident!
Once I saw a girl crying and asked, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at orphanages.
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.
Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!
Gumball: What's that? Is it a twig?
Banana Joe: No.
Darwin: Is it a leaf?
Banana Joe: No.
Gumball: What is it then?
Banana Joe: It's my BUTT!!!
Your life, that's all.
1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.
2. You can't count your hair.
3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.
4. You just tried number three.
5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.
6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.
7. You skipped number 5.
8. You just checked if there was a number 5.
9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.