Worst Jokes Ever
Kid: Dad, what's a dark joke?
Dad: Well, you see that guy over there? Tell him to wave.
Kid: But Dad, I'm blind.
Dad: Exactly, also the dude had no arm.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.
Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.
No, they will be wondering what I look like.
Jack quietly crawled through Jill’s bedroom window, trying not to make a single noise. She sat on her bed, her back facing him. Jack tiptoed up behind her, laid his hands on her shoulders and said, in a rather sensual tone,
“Boo.”
“Jack!” She yelled, “what are you doing here?”
Jack sat down next to her and smiled.
“I figured today was a good day to maybe go up to the hill?” He said.
“That sounds fun,” said Jill.
“C’mon, let’s go!”
The kids climbed down from Jill’s second story window. They frolicked around in the fields, hair swaying in the wind, as they neared the nearby hill. Jack took Jill’s hand, and they skipped up to the very top of the hill. They sat down on the bright green grass and giggled.
“You ready?” Asked Jack.
“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Jill replied with a wink.
Jack laid his hand on Jill’s chest, softly pushing her onto her back. He got down on his knees, and bent down to the bottom of her dress.
“I’ve waited a long time for this...” he whispered.
Jack slowly pulled up Jill’s dress with one hand, running the other up her thigh. His anticipation was building faster and faster. He looked her in the eyes as he slowly pulled down her panties. Once they were all the way off, he turned his head downward. His mouth opened, his eyes went wide. Jack was speechless. Before he could say anything, Jill slammed his head down, gagging him with her giant cock. She sat up as she slammed his head up and down. Jack began to feel dizzy as he gagged and coughed.
“Silly Jack, didn’t you know? I’m not Jill. I never was. My name’s Randy. You’re mine now, Jack. So sit back, enjoy the ride.” Said Randy.
Randy moved Jack’s head faster and faster as he threw his head back. It was coming, fast. All of a sudden, he stopped. Jack’s head stood still as his mouth became a fountain of white, drizzling all over Randy’s legs and onto the grass. Randy let go and Jack jumped back, spitting and trying to get it all out of his mouth. Just as the dizziness began to fade, Randy walked over. The last thing Jack saw was Randy’s fist hurtling towards him...
Why shouldn't you get in a fight with a dinosaur?
You'll get jur ass kicked.
What has 50 legs but can't walk?
25 disabled kids.
What is an orphan's least favorite movie?
Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.
What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
What's the difference between a hooker and Jesus?
Their face when you nail them!
Imagine if hitting the iceberg wasn't an accident and it was all just the sailors' fault like this:
Sailor 1: Hey Ron. Sailor 2: Yeah? Sailor 1: You see that iceberg over there? Sailor 2: Yeah. Sailor 1: You know what would be pretty funny?
Q: What can't teachers say to orphans?
A: "I'm calling your parents!"
What's long and black?
The line to KFC.
Your mum is so fat that when she wore a yellow coat people called taxi!
Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?
The recoil.
Why can't orphans call their friends?
Because they don't have a home phone!
What holds the sun ☀️ up in the sky?
Sunbeams.
How do you know when you're disliked?
When they always give you the camera for group photos.
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
Do you know the phrase, "One man's trash is another man's treasure?" Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.