What do you call an emo with curly hair?
Sam Reid.
Your hairline is so bad that you have a humongous forehead.
What's the difference between an orphan and a bowl of apples?
The apples got picked!
Everybody asks, "What's up?" but nobody asks, "What's down?"
How is a beer can and an Indian the same? You can find them both smashed on the side of the road!
How do you name a Chinese kid?
Throw a frying pan on their head, "Ching Chong!"
Why did the transgender man only eat salad?
Because he was a "her" before.
Dude, people gotta stop letting 9/11 jokes fly around like bro, you're gonna make my brain explode!
Two sentence horror stories go.
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.
It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.
Battery 1%.
I take one last look at Earth as my suit runs out of power.
I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.
I'm shidding. Still babies are still coming and going.
I shidded out my baby, then became a fish.
What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?
Adopt Me.
F*** man, I just need a f***ing loli to walk all over me!
How many beans are there in Irish chili?
Answer: 239
Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine?
Answer: (spoken in Irish Brogues) Because if you add one more, it'd be "two farty."
The orphan also had to cry because the cartels called him "homie."
I asked the orphan if he wanted to watch all the Tom Holland Spider-Man movies with me, and he started crying.
