Worst Jokes Ever

How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?

One (flips lens) or two? One (flips another lens) or two?

How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That is the electrician's job. I am a specialist.

How many software engineers?

Again, none. It's a hardware problem.

How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?

Two, but one resigns halfway through the project.

What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?

He waves his arms like a space invader.

Yo Mama is so dumb, she works best when she is unemployed.

What is written on the gravestone of a TV reporter?

"You must be back at 8:00 p.m."

Are your hairline and forehead friends? Because they go way back.

I'm the autism.

Why would you make jokes about birth control?

It's a great labour-saving invention.

What's the worst thing about 9/11?

All of the stupid "Airplane" jokes.

I think I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

This is WPBS-TV. We'll pledge-break soon — thanks, viewers!

When recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.

Conversely, you can recycle a condom quite easily: just turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it.

In the morning, I become a cereal killer. Stepped on a corn flake.

Then there was the run-in with a pair of orphaned Rice Krispies. Snap. Crackle. No pop.

I've been taken into custody as a cereal offender and am about to be put on trial in Food Court. I fully expect them to sentence me to Life.

What do Diddy and Turkish men have in common?

They both use lots of oil.

When I finished playing my guitar, I noticed an amputee in the crowd not giving me a round of applause.

What's a game a paraplegic kid can't play?

Hopscotch.

I went to help an amputated girl, but she didn't have a hand for me to grab.

Kid: "LOOK OUT! A KILLER BEE!!!"

(B)

OKAY.

Why are S and U never thirsty?

They drink tea (T).

Your family is so cheap that they won't even pay for the child support to keep you.

Your family is so messed up that they shared one brain cell to have you even exist.