Worst Jokes Ever
Today I went into the library looking for books on gangstalking. The librarian leaned over the circulation desk and said, "They're right behind you."
How hot do pistons burn?
Hot enough to burn your house down.
Gordon Ramsay isn't a racist. If a team screws up, he screams at every person equally—no matter what their skin color.
Who's a rapper that likes to walk around naked?
Nudacris.
What do you call it when human vegetables die?
Spoiled food product.
What do you get when you cross a car with a woman?
A transmission that never shifts.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a lollipop?
A cocksucker.
What do women and wine bottles have in common?
They both have necks for grabbing, and holes to plug and unplug.
Don't drop the soup.
What's the difference between Jane Doe and a field?
A field gets harvested in the fall, while Jane Doe gets plowed.
I was tickling my son’s feet yesterday, and my wife said, "Wait until he’s born."
My friend is a proud liberal, and she is about open minds, but she hates white men unless they’re gay and black men unless they’re conservatives. She hated slavery, but she’s for the party for keeping it.
What're the only things that never come out of a Chi Phi frat house?
A virgin and unsnorted ketamine.
What has two wings and an arrow?
A Chinese telephone: "Wing wing, arrow!"
Cornell has announced that they will be banning frat parties in the wake of the "Cornell 7" case. With this new policy, students will be forced to conduct all ketamine-fueled orgies in their dorms, which may limit these activities to just 6 men each.
Students across America have been spotted playing a parody of the horror game Five Nights at Freddy’s called “7 Hours at Chi Phi”.
Wanna know why your pussy reminds me of a garbage bag?
Because you fill it, stretch it out, and let it stink for weeks.
Why can't gay men be handymen?
Because they'll be caulk fighting on the job.
Now that I think about it, Jane Doe's story actually makes complete sense. If I were dumb enough to show up blackout drunk for a threesome at a frat party, it'd probably also take me 20 days of regret to realize that being raped is a way better look than a gang-bang straight off of Pornhub.
What do Jane Doe and a cheap discount store have in common?
When the shop's open late, inventory management shuts down, but we all know there's probably some sausages in there.