Worst Jokes Ever
Yo mama so stupid, she thought Mountain Dew was a real mountain.
When there's a news story of people who have died en masse, for example from explosions and fires.
Other people are all "oh no that's terrible!"
Pfft shut up, lying asshole. Trying to be "nice".
I'm like "YAY EXCITING. I don't like being bored hearing 'good news' all of the time."
What's the difference between Christianity and Scientology?
One is accepted as a cult by most people and the other has most people brainwashed.
What's the difference between a Christian and a schizophrenic?
Nothing.
What do you get when you combine Michael J. Fox and a cow?
A milkshake.
Pretend you're an orphan and I'm telling you a joke:
Your mom.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
None, they both eat out.
How do you stop a gang of black men from raping a white girl?
Throw them a basketball.
How Bibi celebrates Valentine's Day:
“I want to nutinyahu.”
“I’d blow up a school for you.”
“Can I be your ‘chosen person?’ 👉👈”
“I wanna bibi inside yo pp.”
Tung tung tung sahur. Three tungs when you say his name? So many tungs I oughta call you a polyglot.
How many cops does it take to push a black man down a flight of stairs?
None, he fell.
I am proficient in many subjects including biology, sociology, scientology, and of course, idiotology. ☺️
What do iPhone batteries and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both go down quickly.
Need a sock puppet for a joke.
"Hey Soccy?" "What?" "Where do you come from?" "The laundry bin... I don’t wanna talk about it!" 🤣
Why was 2 afraid of 1?
Because 7 ate 9.
What's the difference between parking a car and finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody finds out.
(Teacher): "What's one sport you want to do, but you're not good at?"
(Me): "Suicide."
What do me, emos, and Monster cans have in common?
A barcode.
The plane crashed. There are 5 seats in Bordeaux and usually 4 parachute seats.
The first song goes: "I am Cristiano Ronaldo, the best player in the world, so fly with the first helmet."
One of Ivanka Trump's former supporters said: "I was the US President's teacher." And take an umbrella and fly.
Former US Secretary of State Donald Trump said: "I am the President of the United States. I am the president of the United States of America, not responsible to the people. Design our package and jump."
"I'm glad," said the next passenger, Popstag, as he approached. Then the boy explained: "I still can't see anyone's problem. The President of the United States is in my bag..."
"There's one terrible pilot." -- President George W. Bush on September 11, 2001.