Worst Jokes Ever

All these bows and arrows and I'd still give more of Jeremy Renner's work a shot.

All this Little Shop of Horrors merchandise and I still want to see more.

All these wraps and you still can't beatbox.

I just bought two new biro pens.

One is light blue with hints of purple and another is green with hints of white.

They're filled with monster's ink.

What's a darts player's favorite drink? One hundred and eight-tea!

I asked a librarian if they had a section with Rocky Horror books.

She said: "Sure, just take a jump to the left and then a step to the right."

It was 5:00 PM and I asked my sibling: "Can I have something to eat?"

He replied: "No, not until you tell me the alphabet."

So I said: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, U, V, W, X, Y, Z."

Then my sibling asked me: "Where's the T?"

I replied: "It's in the microwave, you just need to dish it up."

I tried to make a necrophilia joke, but it was dead in the water.

What is the best way to pick a woman at a bar?

Spike her drink with roofies

What did the gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?

"Why is there so much shit in here?"

How do you fit 4 gay guys on 1 barstool?

Turn it upside down and shove a leg up each of their asses.

Why do you not go to a gay man's BBQ?

Because the hotdogs taste like shit.

Why are orphans so bad at playing poker?

They don't know what a full house is.

Roses are red, violets are blue,

FBI wants my penis, can I hide it in you?

What do a woman construction worker and a woman activist have in common?

They just stand there and hold the sign.

If a woman’s version of marriage is "happy wife, happy life," but statistically men are more likely to kill themselves, so who should be making who happy?

Then a man’s is "happy husband, don’t get bludgeoned."

Men should pay for dates because women have to pay for expensive things like makeup because God didn’t finish their faces.

How do you make sure a rape victim doesn’t testify against you?

Kill her first.

What is a woman?

A walking vagina who nags.

I've the biggest cock. Suck it.