Worst Jokes Ever
You're more depressing than your own abortion video.
Are those tears real or are they like you? Fake.
What do Jews and Black people have in common?
Living off welfare checks.
If a girl is vegan and she's dating a transgender person, does that mean she's eating fake meat too?
Why do Jews suck at mugging?
Because all they ask for is the spare change in your pockets.
I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The doctor says my days are numbered.
Now I'm terrified of airports.
Yo mama's so—oh wait, you don't have one.
When you're sad, don't feel down about yourself. Break a leg, and you'll forget all about it.
What do you get when you combine a penis and a potato?
A dictator.
What's a cancer patient's favorite food?
Kentucky Fried Chemotherapy
Why was the gay boy fired from the sperm bank?
He was caught embezzling.
I don't joke about vegans. That would be tasteless...
I have no beef with them.
What did the man do when he caught his wife cheating on him?
He honor-killed her.
What is the best way to deal with bullies?
You shoot them.
How are Jews and potatoes different?
A potato keeps its skin.
Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.
About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."
Mom asked, "Why?"
Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."
Australia needs YOUR help!
ISIS brides are coming to Australia! They need to go back to where they came from. Help us before they blow us up like the terrorists they are!
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying his eyes out. A jogger stops, feels bad for him, and asks, "Sir, what's wrong?"
The old man sobs, "I'm 85 years old. I have a 25-year-old wife at home who is a supermodel. She cooks me gourmet meals every day, she keeps the house spotless, and we spend every night in total, passionate bliss."
The jogger looks confused. "Wait... that sounds amazing! Why are you crying?"
The old man looks up, tears streaming down his face, and wails: "I can't remember where I live!"
How do fat people settle arguments?
By bumping into each other to see who falls over first.