Worst Jokes Ever
Why should you shoot a homeless crackhead in the head?
Because they're basically zombies.
I want to be a bag so we can be together.
Burn witches and stone whores.
What do you do in India when you need to tell the time but don't have the money for a watch?
You bob your head from side to side like a metronome.
What do you call a talentless Korean person? Us Lee Less!
What song is the most annoying for a Serb?
Sweet Home Alabama (because it sounds like Sweet Home Albania)!
How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
About one third less than for a regular bulb.
How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They wait for it to turn itself in.
Tiger Woods is a lion cheetah. He took a wife and seventeen mistresses because he just had to play all eighteen holes.
A panda goes to see a hooker. He goes down on her, he mates with her, he ejaculates and then he attempts to walk away.
The working girl asks, "Aren't you going to pay me?"
She opens the dictionary to "Prostitute: One who sells sexual companionship for money."
The panda picks up the dictionary and turns to the definition "Panda: A marsupial who eats, roots, shoots, and leaves."
What do Michael Vick and John Wick have in common?
Got into deep shit when it came to dogs.
What do George Floyd and an astronaut have in common?
They both have very little air to breathe.
What do hockey players and cops have in common?
They both use sticks to hit something black.
How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four—one to hold the bulb and three to try to remember the combination.
What do you get from a co-worker with epilepsy for being accused of harassment? A "seize" and desist letter.
A small, nervous woman steps into a hotel elevator in Las Vegas.
At the next floor, three large, burly men step in. The woman is immediately intimidated and clutches her purse tightly.
Suddenly, one of the men says in a deep voice: "Hit the floor!"
Terrified that she is about to be robbed, the woman drops her bags and collapses face down onto the floor of the elevator, cowering in fear.
The men burst out laughing and help the bewildered woman up. The speaker apologizes profusely and says: "No, ma'am, I meant hit the button for our floor!"
The next morning, the woman receives a massive bouquet of roses and has her entire hotel bill paid for. Attached is a note that says: "Thanks for the best laugh I've had in years."
I had an operation on my knee, but it was a joint effort.
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.
A termite walks into the bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
Someone lunged at me, armed with an unregistered nurse. I hit the floor.