Worst Jokes Ever

I told my boyfriend one time when I was drunk that I like being raped. The next day, he comes over and says, "Want to have sex?" I said no. He was arrested two days later.

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

Why can't an orphan ever play baseball?

Because they never found home.

What does Chainsaw Man's chainsaw say as he chases a black person?

"Runnnnigernigernigerniger..."

My boyfriend said if I kiss him, I'll get lucky. I fell down a flight of stairs.

Heh, what do you call two girls who love scissors?

Lesbians! Bahahah!

Michael J. Fox goes in to get a haircut. He comes out missing an ear.

Michael J. Fox walks into the grocery store to buy some salt. When he comes out, a kid turns to his mother and says, "Look mom, a salt shaker!"

James Bond walks into a saloon where Michael J. Fox is tending bar. He says, "I’ll have a martini, shaken, not stirred."

Michael turns to him and says, "How else would I serve it?"

Michael J. Fox came up to me the other day and introduced himself to me. He said, "Hey, what’s shaking?"

I said, "You."

Michael J. Fox loves to cook, especially desserts. They now call him "Shake and Bake".

Did you know Michael J. Fox’s favorite song is "Shake, Rattle and Roll"?

Michael J. Fox is rumored to be starring in the new Tremors sequel.

If Michael J. Fox was in the middle of an earthquake, would he know it?

Why is America so good at Rubik's cubes?

They have a history of sorting colours.

The cemetery sure is overcrowded today.

I guess people are dying to get in.

You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

I went on holiday to the coast the other day, and I saw a shark.

I was alright, but I don't think my feet were.

Q: How many aborted babies does it take to paint a house?

A: Depends on how hard you throw them.

I whopped my daughter's butt because she doesn't listen.

I now have a court date for child abuse and crimes against a deaf person.