Worst Jokes Ever
When does Stephen Hawking cross the road?
When it says "DON'T WALK."
An astronaut has had a mid-life crisis. He decides to leave everything behind and become a country farmer.
He buys some land and equips himself with everything he needs. The following Monday, he's ready to go with his hoe in hand and is about to walk out the gate, but he can't get through.
Why, you might ask? He's got no arms.
Why did Stephen Hawking get sacked from his job?
Because he was always rolling in late.
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's headstone?
Roll In Peace.
Some people like Stephen Hawking jokes, but he will never be a stand-up comedian.
It's true, you know. Stephen Hawking has been up more ramps than Evel Knievel.
Why did Stephen Hawking's girlfriend finish with him? Because he would never walk her home.
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with David Beckham?
They both dribble.
What did Stephen Hawking say—I mean, type—when he saw a beautiful woman?
"That's the best shag I never had."
What idiot said to Stephen Hawking, "You can't run before you can walk"?
At least Stephen Hawking could go on a pub crawl.
Where was Stephen Hawking born?
Under a coconut tree.
Which is the odd one out? FISH, SNAKE, STEPHEN HAWKING, HORSE.
Horse, of course — the rest can't walk.
Which is the odd one out: FISH, SNAKE, STEPHEN HAWKING, or HORSE? Horse, of course—the rest of them can't walk!
Why did the pedophile get kicked out of the candy store?
Because he snatched all of the Sour Patch Kids.
What do black people and sports cars have in common?
Getting a noise complaint for being so loud.
Why was Stephen Hawking known as lazy?
Because he was always sitting on the job.
When Stephen Hawking's teacher asked him, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
He said, "Six foot four."
Hey, wanna know why you remind me of a waitress?
Because you handle my food great, and I give you a good tip afterwards.
What did Stephen Hawking's mum say to him when he asked for £10?
"You can take a run and jump!"