Worst Jokes Ever
What did Stephen Hawking's mum say to him when he asked for £10?
"You can take a run and jump!"
How does Stephen Hawking compete in the hurdles?
He ducks when he gets to them.
There may be hope for Stephen Hawking yet.
His nose runs.
What shoe size is Stephen Hawking?
It doesn't matter—he can't walk anyway.
Why are batteries quicker than Stephen Hawking?
Because they can run out.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to his fridge but get nothing out?
It was a dummy run.
Why didn't Stephen Hawking go to heaven?
Because there was only a stairway to heaven and no lifts.
If half of Stephen Hawking's house was painted red and half was painted blue, what color were the stairs?
He didn't have any.
Stephen Hawking can't walk the walk or talk the talk.
Why did the clown fall off his bike?
Because the neighbor threw a washing machine at him.
Why couldn't the teacher let her kids out?
Because she has no arms to open the door.
Why couldn't the farmer tend to the crops?
Because he's got no arms.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Grandma.
Grandma who?
I didn't know you could yodel!
Why couldn't the kid play on his laptop?
Because he has no arms and no laptop and no legs and no head and no home and no money and got shot.
There are two sexes: one with your mother and the other with you.
What’s the craziest thing Kurt Cobain released?
The safety.
Why can’t Kurt Cobain ride in the passenger seat?
Because he doesn’t like when someone calls "shotgun!"
I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. I was sitting in the back of the movie theater, where no one was. Suddenly, she was sitting in front of me with some guy she was hugging. I was furious. I couldn't stay there anymore, so her friend and I had to finish it in the toilet.
Stephen Hawking walked into a bar.
Oh, is that how he ended up in a wheelchair?
Why can't Stephen Hawking be a police officer?
Because he can't use a walkie-talkie.