Worst Jokes Ever
How was Jenga invented?
By watching the Twin Towers collapse.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Your.
Your who?
Your hoochie coochie stinks.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Only.
Only who?
Only you make my heart beat fast.
What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?
Accountability.
What’s another name for a woman giving birth?
Unloading the dishwasher.
Yo momma so ugly, she got a job ringing the bells at Notre Dame.
What is the best way to run away from home?
Join the military.
Halal!
Is it meat you're looking for?
What do you call a lesbian vampire?
Cunt Dracula.
Son: "Mom, am I adopted?"
Mom: "Yes."
Son: "Where are my real parents?"
Dad: "We are your real parents, so... GET OUT!"
What is the difference between a prostitute and a wife?
A prostitute will fulfill your needs with your money; a wife will fulfill her needs with your money.
Why was nine scared of ten?
Because five was a registered twelve offender.
Wait, can I try the joke again?
What do you call a sick Asian?
A calculator with dead batteries.
I saw a Down syndrome kid waving at me today, but there's no way I'm swimming all the way over there to save him.
"Eugheugh," said the boy.
So what does stress and energy mean?
Beer.
"My love, I missed you."
"Aww, I missed you too."
"I did not miss *that* time!"
Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights. There’s no reason she needs to talk that much; it’s not like replying to her is voice activated.
Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights, especially the right to remain silent, because all appliances should be silent.
Teacher: "What's your name?"
Student: "Hang on a second."
10 seconds later:
Teacher: "Is something wrong?"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
20 seconds later:
Teacher: "Don't say a word!!!"
Student: "Hang on a second!!!"
Teacher: "Come here and tell me your name right now!!!"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
Teacher: "Don't call for help!!!"
Student: "Just listen to me!"
Teacher: "Go on, speak!"
Student: "Hang on a second!"
Teacher: "Don't push my patience; this is no joke!!! Tell me your name right now!"
Student: "Hang on a second!!!"
The professor said, "I think this question raises a few problems."
The student replied, "That is not a question; that is an answer."