I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 4K and above.
It's my New Year's resolution.
What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?
"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."
What did the sushi say to the bee?
Wa sa Bee.
Why do girls only stay in odd groups of friends?
Because they literally can't even.
Why are pirates named pirates?
Cuz they arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
What do you call a German that can not see?
A Not-see.
Why should you put an autistic person in a refrigerator?
Because otherwise you’ll get a rotten vegetable.
(Not meant to be triggering).
Why do ableist people hate autistics?
They're scared they'll never be special enough.
What is the autistic woman’s favorite Dorito flavor?
Neurospicy.
What did the autistic man order at McDonald’s?
Ass Burgers.
What Minecraft mob do autistic people relate to the most?
The Enderman.
Why don’t autistic people like Autism Speaks?
They’re jealous that autism can speak.
(This is not meant to be triggering, sorry if it is).
Why didn’t the autistic boy like Minecraft?
There was a new texture pack.
Why did the autistic ice cream run away from the party?
She had a meltdown.
Why did the cellphone get glasses? Because it lost its contacts!
Alright, class, we have 39 students and 40 seats.
That one dyslexic kid thinking he’s Superman:
How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.
What does a Jew expecting guests say?
Oy Vey here yet?
What does a Jewish man say when he sees a caricature of his face.
We need to circumcise that one.
Falco: Dreaming of a day when I don’t hear people say I’m a knockoff Fox, knockoff Fox.
Fox: Dreaming of a day when you die in a fire and I get all your aerial skills.
Falco: Wat...
