Need jokes
The world exploded, so now I need to visit Uranus.
A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said, "You are what we are looking for, but I need to test your skills." He hands her a pen. He said, "Sell me this pen." She puts it between her boobs.
Why can't orphans go to a school field trip?
Because he needs the parent's signature.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder to reach the really high notes?
Why did the orphan say, "Help?" He needed his brother.
My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.
So, an orphan walked into a store. He gets lost and the store clerk asked, "Do you need help finding your parent?" and the orphan ran out crying.
DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.
SON: Why?
DAD: You're going to need them.
What do you tell your butt cheek when you need to use the bathroom? "Hold it in, so you won't get constipated and die."
Why doesn't Laila in UHS need an insult?
Have a look at her face!
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because they need to know what it’s like to be wanted.
What does NASA stand for?
Need a star A.S.A.P.!
Why are Amoebas so bad at math?
Because, when they need to multiply, they divide.
Why did a cheetah fart? It needed more gas.
I'm lonely, but all I have is my cheeseburger, but what is the matter of living if you only have one thing?
But a cheeseburger is all you need 'cause it has 1,000,000,000,000 bucks man, so I can't just take it and spend it wherever I want.
Why is the orange so blind? Because it needs to take Vitamin C!
What does NASA stand for?
Need Another Seven Astronauts!
A man walks in to the doctor.
He says, "Doctor, I need a new butt. Mine has a crack in it."
Doctor: How many times do I have to tell you!!!
You don't need brains to be a Boss.
When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Moral Of The Story: You don't need a brain to be a Boss----any asshole will do.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? One, you just need to throw it hard enough.