My jokes

I dropped my phone, but it’s on airplane mode.

Sometimes I feel ugly, but then I think of my sister.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Sister.

Sister who?

My sister's ass.

My aunt worked as a human cannonball.

I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.

I'd tell ya a poop joke, but you're my favorite turd.

What is your name in my phone?

I love your house. I have been in your art for.

I miss seeing my friends and teachers.

Teacher: We have a new student today class, come introduce yourself.

Student: My name is Buttitches.

Teacher: Please tell us your real name.

Student: Buttitches.

Teacher: I’m calling the police.

Police: Son, please tell me your real name or I’m going to shoot you.

Student: Buttitches.

Police: *shoots gun.*

A few days later, the police go to the funeral and sits behind the mom. While crying, the mom says, "My Buttitches!" The police say, "We’ll scratch it, lady."

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Ketchup.

Ketchup who?

Ketchup my slow tomatoes! 🍅😂

Roses are red, violets are blue, When I see you, I play with my poo.

I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked, "What are you doing?" She replied, "Making a Creampie."

A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.

One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."

Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."

Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"

All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"

The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."

There is this cute Russian girl in my class, yet she hasn't asked me out for vodka.

My sister said I'm stupid today, and she's the one who wrote this.

My sis a fat cow.

When I say, "Daddy," my stepbrother raises his head.

Doc: Can I help you?

Girl: Doctor, I have pain in my heart.

Doc: When did it begin?

Girl: Right now (seeing him like a doll).

Doc: Hh...do you like me? I know I am handsome...

Girl: No, don’t get me wrong. You just look like someone I know.

Doc: Who is that? Is your boyfriend?

Girl: No, it’s my pet (rabbit), his name is Rokie.

Kat, what? I did. A cat jump over the road because he believes he came flying in the clouds. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah! So funniest kitten kitten kitten kidding is my last time of Do you Joooooooooooooooooooooookin?

I call my sister a "fat cow," and she asks me, "Want to hear a joke?" I say, "Sure." She says, "You are the joke!"

When I try to call my friend, I can't get through because my name is Lin Kon, and the operator keeps saying, "Yes, Mr. President."