Very sad today found my pet mouse ' Elvis ' dead this morning, he was caught in a trap .
An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee, A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after awhile and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in".
When did I wake up?
At the quack of dawn
What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you? Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...
My friend had a drink called quick start so I said "that's a quick start to the morning".
Why dont lesbians have sex in the morning. Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese
aaron and ben meet on grinder [they have a drink and have sex they wake up in the morning in bed aaron says im so glad i got it out ben relys what oh just the HIV
x : morning sunshine y : oh, yeah 30 minutes more
Man looks at his friend and says "if you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt would you tell anyone? " The friend says im a disgusted tone "No" So the man says "ok let's go camping"
Stephen hawking missed assembly this morning
We almost dawned when we went out boating but I got a watermelon to keep me flooding
I asked a <a href="https://chritmis.com/romantic-good-morning-messages/">Chinese girl </a> for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
The IRS came to this mans house one day and told him to come in the next morning to talk about all the money thats been coming in and out of his bank account. So the man though maybe I need to get a lawyer. So he and his lawyer get to the IRS's office and sit down and the agent said there has been a large amount of money flowing in and out of your account and we wanted to know if you knew anything about it. The man says yes I do, I'm a gambler. The agent says you gamble with that much money. He man says yes, I'll give you an example. Alright I bet you 5,000$ that I can bite my left eye. Agent says alright deal. The man takes out his fake eye and bites it. Then the agents says that not fair. The man says I'll let you get your money back or even more, I bet you 7,500$ I can bite my right eye. He agents thinking I didn't see him come in with a guide dog or a stick so the agent says deal. The man takes out his false teeth and bites his right eye. The agent then says that's not fair. The man replies alright I have another one, your down 12,500$ I'll bet you 15,000$ if you put that waste basket on the other side of the room I can stand by your desk and piss across the room into the waste basket and not get a drop anywhere. The agent says that's impossible you've got a deal. The man starts peeing and pees all over his desk and the agent says I got you, he's laughing and happy that he final beat him, but then the lawyer has his hand on his face and the agent asked what's wrong with you and the lawyer replies the man bet me 100,000$ he could piss on your desk and you'd just love it.
Hello There have a good day
I had problems milking my cow one morning. It was an udder failure.
In the morning, I become a cereal killer.
wHAT DID I EAT FOR BREAKFAST YESTERDSAY?
10 YEAR OLDS
Yo mom so far that when she walk outside at 8am, it became Mid Night all over again.
Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?
Because they don't have balls.
Where do rabbits eat breakfast? -- IHOP.