Morning jokes

Why did the sperm cross the road?

I put on the wrong socks this morning.

GOOD MORNING USA!!!! I GOT A FEELING THAT IVE SEEN A FUCKIN NlGGER TODAY!!!

I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?

Why do orphans never wake up in the morning? Their dad can’t wake them up.

You know why morning food digests so quickly.

Because it breaks fast.

Why do orphans eat their breakfast with water?

Because their dad didn't come back with the milk.

Good Morning! Have a Great Day!

#Ijustwokeup

How is your cereal? Oh, wait.

What two things can you never have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner!

I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.

I needn't have bothered.

The next day, it was smeared all over my face.

Mom: Son, get up for school.

Son: I AM UP *holds up books and says I'm up* IM UP MOM!

(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)

MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?

BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!

MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?

BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!

MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?

BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.

MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.

BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!

(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)

MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!

My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing Minecraft all night.

Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my Switch when they come into my room. Now I'm about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY FUCKING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing "intense kissing" the next morning. I believed that at the time, but now I've been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn't.

In the morning at 6:30 AM,

Teacher: Who fought in World War I?

Me: Trump & Biden.

Teacher: Oh ok... well good job class, see you tomorrow and study your books.

After school,

Teacher: Oh God those kids know nothing.

"She looks at her clock."

Teacher: And now I am sewed.

Wife: Stop telling rape jokes, it's not funny. Husband: Who raped you this morning?

Had an amazing night with this girl, woke up, and it was my aunt. Now I’m in love.

Good Morning Everyone, have a good and positive day!

These jokes are EGGxactly why I became a comedian, and I know how to BAKE on breakfast.

2 jokes in a row babyyyyy!

What do orphans eat for breakfast?

Daddy-O's.

What is yellow and brings kids to school every day?