How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.
A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says "What's wrong?" The woman says "I've never been hugged before." So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.
The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says "What's wrong, now?" The woman says "I've never been kissed before." So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.
The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says "Oh, for Christ's sake! What's wrong, this time?!" The woman says "Well, I've never been fucked before." So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells "YOU'RE FUCKED!"
Why did Timmy fall down the stairs? Because he fell of his wheelchair
How did Stephen Hawking get up the stairway to heaven?
2 gay kids made their version of the jack,and jill nursery rhyme. jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pair of latte's.
What does it take to paint a wall red?
Kurt Cobain and his shotgun.
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “perform the fucking autopsy!”
So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called straight out of windshield.
I'm better than you in every single way.... I even have an extra chromosome.
I was going to kill myself. But in the end it doesn't even matter.
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”
What does a French woman say when you ask her what her favorite video game is, " wii wii"
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand? A: So she can moan with the other.
Is it bad to hit an orphan?it's not like they'll tell there parents.
What’s the difference between 911 and a abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
what did the south tower say to the north tower it said: nothing
9/11 joke
Q: When and where was the biggest BBQ ever? A: Hiroshima Japan 1946
This joke is short... like your dick!
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an exposition to the Amazon Forest. After a while they get lost. So as they are walking suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says "Hey, your in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy so we will let you choose how you die." The man from France said, "bring me the poison." The man from Britain said, "bring me the gun" And the man from New York said, "bring me a fork" The guy was confused with the fork but still brought it the items and gave it to them. The guy from France said, "for the France!" And drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, "long live the queen!" And shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said "MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS"
"Hey, today was great."
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car."
