Morbid Jokes

An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator, not a lift" and "it's chips, not crisps" etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."

What's long, black, and sticky?

A stick.

What's green and smells like ham?

Kermit the frog's fingers.

What's the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.

I don't see why Africans complain about not having water. They have free chocolate milk.

Why did Jimmy throw the clock out the window? Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who knife-raped his wife.

Rules of Dark humor:

1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.

2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.

3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that.

I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.

- Sincerely, Zane

How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

What type of bees give milk?

Boob-bees.

What's better than a pile of dead babies?

One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.

Ur mom gay, ur dad lesbian.

A mosquito with a Mario hat on flies on you saying, "It's-a me, Malario!"

What is a school shooter's favorite animal?

A Desert Eagle.

Fortnite is like America... At one time it was good and free. Now it's neither.

To my best friend, my brother is like a spider. She chose to kill him straight away. That's why she is my friend, after all!

Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.

The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"