Morbid jokes

Morbid Jokes

Butterfly

One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week."

They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."

Friend

My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."

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  • Adoption

    A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”

    Super glue

    A happy mother: "Why is your sister so quiet?! And how did you get super glue stuck on your penis?!"

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  • Orphan

    I tried making an orphan baseball team. It sucked because they couldn’t find home plate.

    Baby

    What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?

    You can't fuck a rock.

    Abortion

    What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office?

    Only one of them is scared.

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  • Stereotype

    Men, get into the kitchen and make me a sandwich!

    Women, go chop some lumber!

    White people, get back into the cotton fields!

    Eye

    I've been trying to find jokes about gouging my eyes out, but I couldn't see any.

    Pigeon

    What's the difference between a mother and a pigeon?

    One doesn't eat their husband out.