How do you beat lady gaga at Texas hold’em?
Poker face
lol I switched out my friends leukemia medication for mercury (Like and comment if you get it)
I'm so mad I got arrested for rape even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute but how was I supposed to know she never told me.
Give a man a match he'll be warm for a while but set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
What did niki Minaj say when she sat next to a bomb?
Bang bang right through the roof. Bang bang all over you.
I'm funny but sad I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.
What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.
Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying , Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died and two weeks later Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next.
An old lady in the bank told me to check her balance so I pushed her over.
I am Funny but sad. I submit jokes you'll love. Anyway...
Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared if being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"
Going in a military The last thing I heard from them is:"Goodbye"
Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?
Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would we 8.
Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.
what's an old man's favourite food
wrinkled onions
What is the difference between a coconut and your ex? One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at the other one is a coconut.
You know the song I saw mommy and Santa kissing apparently santas the mailman
What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don't care if she has one.
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
I wont ever Forget my dads last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"
Say what you will of pedophiles, but you can't ignore their problem with immature ejaculation
Knock knock ? Who’s there? Willis. Willis who? Willis dick fit in yo mouth?!!?!!
A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping, the boy asks "what is that man doing?". The mom says "Making pizza" trying to turn him away.
The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says "Making extra cheese". When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says "Ordering the pizza".
Later that day the mother says to the father "I think I want some to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, dont know why that sounds good".
So that night the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs "wanna order some pizza !?"
The mother replied "DONT WORRY IM MAKING SOME"
the sons voice followed " IM ADDING EXTRA CHEESE"
