Metre jokes

Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?

Because he's dead.

Your hairline is so deep that we measure it in metres.

How do you make a baby survive a fall of over 300 metres?

I don't know. I've dropped dozens off the Empire State Building and none have lived.

Bonjour all ;-) , nd here a frog ( French) joke lol.

Qui a inventé le mètre et qui a inventé le centimètre? (Who invented the meter, and who invented the centimeter?)

Answer: Adam à inventé le mêtre, parce qu'il voulait le (mettre) de dans... (Adam invented the meter because he wanted to put it in).

Eve à inventée le centimetre, parce qu'elle voulait, le sentir-metre (centimetre) Eve invented the centimeter, because she wanted to feel it when going in...

I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.

Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?

I’d really like to meter.

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

3.14% of sailors are...

π-rates.

Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself.

Everyone else in the minefield...