Meeting

Meeting jokes

Priest

    • After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"

    The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.

    "How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.

    The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"

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    • Hobby

    • It is reported that when Churchill met Stalin at Yalta, they discussed their hobbies.

    Churchill said: "I collect the jokes people tell me about me."

    "That's a coincidence," said Stalin, "I collect the people who tell jokes about me."

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    • Fly

    • What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?

    Its ass.

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    • Dwarf

    • I got introduced to a dwarf at a nudist colony the other day.

    When we shook, the pleasure was all mine.

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    • Meeting memes

    Wish

    • Make a wish kid: I want to meet Mac Miller.

    Make a wish staff: You will soon, chief.

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    • Donald Trump

    • A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."

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    • Girl

    • A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”

    Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”

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    • Bet

    • So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"

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    • Missionary

    • A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"

    One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."

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    • Knife

    • What did Charizard say to Arceus? "Knife to meet you, literally. I got you out of Pokémon Sword and Shield!"

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    • Fart

    • So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."

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    • Woman

    • A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.

    One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."

    Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."

    Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"

    All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"

    The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."

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