Medical Care jokes

I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the Covid-19 patients to stay positive.

A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”

“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”

I got kicked out of the hospital.

Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.

Why should you never tell your French doctor that you bite your tongue?

Because your French doctor will give you a tetanus shot.

Yo mama is so fat when she goes to the dentist, they make her lay face down.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

When you get injured 😢

When you get injured in America 😭😭😭😭💵💵💵💵💵🏩🏩🏩

Me running out of the hospital after telling COVID patients to stay "positive."

Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."

Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"

Canada has free health care, here is a link to some Canada Facts! https://www.1stcontact.com/blog/20-interesting-facts-about-canada

Julius Caesar & Tork Poettschke at the doctor's office:

"The doctor has now sent me the bill."

"Make him aware of his duty of confidentiality!"

Robert Smith walks into a hospital. The nurse says, "We have the cure!"

"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."

"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.

"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."