ME jokes

Friend

  • Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*

    All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?

    People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!

    People I say no to: (⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)

    Chimp

  • Julie: What's the difference between a chimp and a pizza?

    John: I don't know.

    Julie: Remind me not to send you to the store...

    Rat

  • There's a kid named Little Johnny who would always cuss. Well, one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said, "Let's play a game." So the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. The teacher says "A". Little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, he might say something like a**." So the teacher calls on Sally. Sally says "apple". The teacher says "B". Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher thought, "No, he might say something like b!tch." So the teacher goes all the way to R. The teacher says "R". Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Me, me, please, I really know one." Then the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, there's no cuss word that starts with R," so she said, "Okay, Johnny, give me a word that starts with R." Little Johnny says, "A rat!" and the teacher, very pleased, says, "Very good, Johnny. What type of rat?" Little Johnny says, "A big gosh damn mother freaker."

    Sorry, I had to edit some word, but y'all know what I meant.

  • 8
  • Orphan

  • Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?

    Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.

    Divorce

  • Friend 1: How come when you say "apart" your lips move apart, but when you say "together" they move apart?

    Me: Maybe your lips want a divorce.

    Parent

  • Friend: My mum took my phone from me, and I really want it back.

    Me: Yeah, well, Hades took my parents from me, and the funny thing is, I don't want them back.

    Barney

  • I like you, you like me.

    Let’s go out and kill Barney with a big shot gun. Barney’s on the floor, no more purple dinosaur. 🌸🌸🌸🌺🌺🌺🥀🥀🥀RIP BARNEY

  • 4
  • Post

  • Does anyone have an Xbox One? My gamertag is Chalkyfrog11. Add me and comment on this post telling me your gamertag.

    Record

  • Website Records

    Most Likes: https://worstjokesever.com/jokes/5aea13992886f22c3e98bd88/why-are-priests-called-father

    Most Dislikes: https://worstjokesever.com/jokes/5a6f42308b40a83af3dda515/today-was-a-terrible-day

    Worst Dislike Ratio: https://worstjokesever.com/jokes/5b5293efa5535a611745773c/guys-go-ot-httpsworstjokesevercomjokes5b3937c1a328f6072c316bd6hey-guys-who-wants-to-play-roblox-with-me-we-can-go

    Most Comments: https://worstjokesever.com/jokes/603e8cd3eccd25122cb21897/guys-lets-make-this-post-have-the-most-comments-on-the-whole-website

    All records are as of March 11th, 2021.

  • 2
  • Dwarf

  • "I was walking in the yard yesterday and a bug stepped on me. Why, you ask? Because the bug didn't know I was there."

  • 0
  • Prince

  • Prince, please talk to me for real...

    Let's sort this out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Please, please answer me. I need an answer!!!!!!!!!!!! BTW, Princess, my name is Gwen, and I am not a faker!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Faker

  • I just wanted to say whoever is a faker pretending to be me, that you are literally ruining my life right now. And I can literally not take this right now in life and that I just want peace so please, please stop.