Many jokes

How many times do you nut? It depends how hard you do it.

How many guns can an octopus hold?

9

There were 32 cows. Twenty-eight chickens. How many were there?

There were 32 cows. Twenty ate chickens. How many were there?

How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”

How many communists does it take to change a lightbulb? Never enough.

If there are 12 fish and 6 drown, how many are left?

12, because fish don't drown.

What do you say when your brother has too many jeans?

"Gene-ious!"

How many dyslexics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: "It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path." Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.

Girlfriend: I just lost 5 pounds!

Me: How many makeup wipes did you need?

How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.

I just wanted to say...

These disabled jokes are quite offensive. I'm not disabled in any way, but people reading might be affected in many ways. Yes, some of them are amusing, but there's a difference between having a joke and being plain rude.

Please take my feedback into account. Thanks!

Why does the mushroom 🍄 have many friends?

Because it’s a fungi.

So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.

How many fingers does the Dragonborn have?

Four fingers and a Thu'um.

I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.

So many bots commenting so fúcking fix it!

How many degreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees does Billy Corgan have?

1979.

How many degrees does it take to change ice into boiling water?

199, because the difference between -100 and +100 is 199 (excluding the zero, because it's not real and it doesn't exist because it's not real).

Get?