Many jokes
How many fingers am I holding up?
Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.
Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.
The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, in the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.
In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash, and no Hope!
Why does the ice cream have so many friends?
Because he’s cool.
A FedEx plane was carrying 375 fridges across Africa, but the cargo door wasn't shut properly, and only 218 reached the desired destination. The rest landed in a remote village. How many fell out the plane?
Time's up! You took too long; you only had 4 seconds to answer it.
How do you put an elephant into the fridge that pushed out the cargo door?
Open the fridge, put the elephant in, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe into the fridge?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant. Then put in the giraffe and close the door.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she got hit by the other 156 refrigerators.
How did she survive?
Her idiot mother tried to pull her out and accidentally ripped both her arms off, but she was rescued 8 minutes later.
Why do many New Yorkers like watching Spider-Man?
Because he’s always on the webcast.
What is the richest planet?
Saturn 🪐- It has many rings.
Billy moved in with 69 pedophiles when he was 8. Many "tears" came across his cheeks.
Three copycats on a boat, one jumps off. How many are left? Zero, because they're copycats!
Why are so many people mean to orphans?
They can’t cry to their parents.
I think there will be many more jokes afoot! 👣
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where’s Trump’s clock?"
"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: 1 to actually change the light bulb and the other 98 to suck each others' cocks and shit like that.
A teacher asks a boy in her class, "If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?" The boy responds with, "None." The teacher asks why. "They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot." The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think."
Later, the boy asks the teacher, "3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking it." The boy says, "No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think."
How many times do you nut? It depends how hard you do it.
How many guns can an octopus hold?
9
There were 32 cows. Twenty-eight chickens. How many were there?
There were 32 cows. Twenty ate chickens. How many were there?
How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”
How many communists does it take to change a lightbulb? Never enough.
If there are 12 fish and 6 drown, how many are left?
12, because fish don't drown.