Lot jokes

Two men were bartering over a marble slab. A lot of counter-offers were made.

I had to give up my vegetarian diet.

Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.

You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?

A lot of things.

Yo momma is so fat that the ground shakes a lot as she walks.

What takes up 10 parking spaces? Five female drivers.

Why is a football stadium always so cold?

Answer: Because it has a lot of fans!

This is a lot like anal sex.

You always miss 100% of the shots if you don't take it.

I got a lot running through my head right now. I wish at least one was a 12-gauge round.

The Good Old Days.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.

What does an orphan say a lot? "Where is my house?"

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?

Lots of blood tests!

What's grey and can't fly? A parking lot.

I was in social studies class and I was taking an exam and I couldn’t remember a lot of the information and everyone looked up shocked. A white kid holding a gun said, “You’re about to become history.” I almost forgot that we weren’t supposed to have any lessons that day.

When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

Why are dildos like a ratcheting wrench? They both make lots of noise and get their job done.

Did you hear about the volcano that was accepted into Cambridge?

It was a decision on the number of degrees it holds, which is a lot, because volcanoes have lava if they're active. And ours was.

Cam likes to peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee a lot.

What do you call a person who wants to be punched a lot?

A clout chaser.

Search up "clout meaning" if you don't get it.

Did you know there's a place in Germany called Hanover?

Must be lots of drunks there.