Lot Jokes

You walk into a room, and there’s a lot of people waiting in line to punch you... Yeah, that’s the punchline.

You know, it takes a lot of balls to successfully compete in women’s sports as a man.

Your hairline and your forehead must have a lot in common because they go waaaaaaaayyy back!

If I had a dime for everytime the Australian president shat himself in a McDonald's, I would have one dime, which is not a lot, but it's weird that it happened.

One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"

FEBRUARY
Saturday
Right, I know it's been a while since I wrote in this,
but a whole lot has happened so let me fill you in on
everything.
Manny Heffley is the personification of human sin. Do
you wanna know the reason he tried to get me killed?
DATS FOWR NAWT
TEACHING ME HOW
TWO TIE MY SHOES,
YOU FUCKING PLOOPY.
I'M ONWEE
THWEE, BUBBY!
HEWP ME TIE MY
GAWDDAYUM
SHOES.
So I punted that little shit into the wall..
I should have paid more attention to Miom though, because
she actually stuck by her word for once. She managed to
shoot me in both legs and break i
my.
fucking kneecaps.
11

"I know, you have a lot on your plate right now."

As you can see here, Jessie is wearing a lot of concealer.

Jessie?

My dad owns a countertop store and sometimes he'll barter.

A lot of the time he will take things for granite.

A lot of counter-offers were made.

They say that "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," but I find it a lot easier to go through the ribcage.

What happened when the fire used Tinder?

He luckily got a lot of matches.

I watched a movie with a lot of ketchup on the ground.

I don't know why my friends look disgusted.

Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?

Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.

Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!

Stacy: lol

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.

A lot of people get mad at me for my bad jokes. I always thought they were punderful.

Cam likes to peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee a lot.

Make Danielle Smith a lot lizard again!

My friend was getting bullied so I went over and asked him to stop. It went a little bit like this:

Me: Dude, leave her alone. Him: Beat it, b*tch. *lots of arguing and swearing* Me: Ya know! The smartest thing that ever came outta your mouth was probably a penis. Him: *walks away*

My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."