An old man and a child are walking into the woods. Suddenly, they stop.
"Mister," the child says, "I'm scared, these woods are dark and creepy..."
The old man says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
Q: What do you call a girl walking down a street?
A: Lost, she's supposed to be in the kitchen.
You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.
Where can you find the most dads?
Milk Island.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To slide into your mom's bed.
Why can't white people go to Blackpool? Cuz they're not black.
You’re so fat,
that your family moved to the other side of the U.S.A., but they still see you.
Where do terrorists go for a drink?
At the Allahu-ak Bar.
My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.
Someone asked me to go to hell, so I drove to my local middle school.
What's the one thing that makes a depressed person jump? A bridge.
Lil Nas X is so gay, I would fuck him in the Old Town Road.
Were you born on the highway? That is where most accidents happen.
When people tell me to "go to hell," I tell them their address.
Your hair is so far back, you left it at your last address.
Blossom: Why are we dating the Rowdyruffs when we're technically siblings?
Bubbles:...
Buttercup: I don't know, but those people over there are lookin' at us weird.
Alabama: 😈
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:
"You need to park a little closer."
Why do you have to pay to see Russian people?
Because the zoo is not free, Duhhhhh🙄
Your mum is so fat, when she was in front of my apartment, I couldn't get in.
