What is bus driver that does not work? A useless one ☝️
What has two left legs 🦵 but can’t walk? An airport
Why are Communists consider d the left? Because they can’t do anythimg right.
i thought i told u the lock up when i left this morning this is why our shit gets stolen all the time
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed but you only have 2 bullets left, what do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
You work at papa's pizzaria ok?
Boss: your fired! Me: ok? Worker: Why are you fired? Me: oh you wanna know... *shows him the oven with my pizza* Me: I left my pizza in the oven that bitch burnt as fuck!! Worker: OH SHIT!! Boss: did you say pizza? Me: i sure did! *shows boss pizza in oven* Me: this hoe black as fuck! Boss: i fired you because i count stop looking at your ass not this why?
So a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."
if there are 12 fish and 6 drown how many are left
12 because fish dont drown
doctor: i'm sorry, but you still have 10 seconds left. man: what?! what about my family??! my son is still missing! i can't just leave like that! doctor: don't worry sir, i told your family. man: that's.. great.. if they found my son, tell them that i love him more than anything and i couldn't keep that promise. the doctor watches the man closing his eyes while tears fell down from his eyes. doctor: i will... dad..
tq for reading my crappy joke
So, this guy walked into a cannibal bar. The barista asked him what he wants, and the man ordered water. Then he left, because he wasn't a cannibal and just wanted a glass of water.
A three strangers have opened a gay chat; but if one left the chat, the chat will be closed.
Stranger 3: how to turn a straight guy into a gay guy?
Stranger 1: you can't!
Stranger 2: you can
Stranger 3: how?
Stranger 2: by using the same idea of russian experiment; like in a detention, put him in a closed room full of gay stuff but the difference that he can sleep and he will have a food for 30 days and toilet too.
Stranger 3: great idea, but who can we try first?
Stranger 1: you all gays are evil monsters
Stranger 2: i think the stranger 1 is just a straight spy let's try this experi-
(the chat has been closed by stranger 1)
Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree. The person: Only last thing left to hang! He grabs a noose.
Susie was in her mother's room one night. As her mother was getting ready for bed. She had slipped off her blouse, her boobs plum and perky. Susie had asked what are those and will i get them? Her mother had said they were boobs and she would grow some in a few year's. Her mother told susie to find her father and say goodnight. So susie left, headed down the hall to the bathroom where her father was showering . Susie knocked on the door, he said come in. He had moved the shower curtain over just a bit. Susie said she loved him, and then seen her father's dick. Shocked, susie asked her father what that was and if she would get one. Her father said it was a dick, he said susie would get it after her mother went to bed .
Have you heard of the man who got all his left side chopped off?
He was all right.
9 people walked into Bunnings Warehouse. 2 people bought plants. 3 people bought shovels. 1 person yelled. 3 people left Bunnings Warehouse. 1 person was me. I guess those three people are fired 💁♀️🤦♀️
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar. “May I smoke a cigar?” Asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied “No.” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his Grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” Asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Granpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” Asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
Over summer I shot up my school and left a note saying. "I could have done this anytime".
I was watching a tv show where a guy was hanging off a cliff then the series ended...guess you can say that they left that guy on a cliff hanger
Q:What do women and kfc have in common A:once you eat the breasts and thighs all you have left is a greasey box to put ur bone in
Why was sally at the hospital after her parents left? Because they put her up for adoption.
