Laugh Jokes

Have any of you guys heard the classic airplane jokes? here's a good example...

A farmer, a doctor, and a terrorist are on a plane. An engine fails, and they are going to crash, so the pilot asks everyone to throw out some items. The farmer threw out his apple harvest, the doctor threw out medical supplies, and the terrorist, (not needing a bomb apperently) through out his briefcase of bombs. They still crashed, and they started walking to the nearest town. They passed a boy who was running. "why are you running?" "My dad got hit by a shiny red object and now he's bleeding!" They three of them decide it's best to keep quiet, and continue. They then passed a crying girl, who said that her brother had been killed by a scalpel from heaven. They said nothing and continued. Finally, they see a boy laughing so much he is in tears. They ask him, "What's so funny?" "Grandma farted and the house blew up!"

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”

When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”

3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a BANANA!!"

jill went up to a bar to play a game of pool then jack came in and asked jill if she wanted to ride in his new car she said i have to think then jack said at least let me by you a drink after 5 drinks he asked again this time she said yes so they got in the car and jack and jill roed up a hill to to jacks home then jack said (close your eiys i got a supries )so jack lead jill to his room then said open your ies so jill opend her iese then jack got them some red wine jack got drunk and unzipped his fly and jack said i know you wana she said no way so jack gave her one more drink then she passed out then jack ripped all his close off then he did the same to jill then he did it till 3am

This is a joke to tell to someone with you or something, SOMEONE will laugh. Say: This word isnt gonna be funny until i tell you, your probably not going to laugh. *your friend* whats the word? *you* finger *friend* *dies of laughter*. *note* it works better if you wiggle your finger or something before and not every one laughs, so dont feel bad if they dont. Also dont be surprized if you get put in jail for murder, because your going to kill someone with this.

what do you call a fake noodle....An imposta [hysterical laugh]

One day a rooster fell into a swimming pool and a cat laughed. And the moral of the story? A wet cock can always satisfy a pussy.

"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older and she laughed so hard she cried a little."

If your here for a cheap laugh about suicide, I'll give you some real killer jokes!

I bet when 2 cheetahs race and one of them cheats the other one says “ your such a Cheetah!” Then they laugh and go and eat a zebra or whatever.

(insert funny joke about a dick here)

did you laugh? be honest

me an orphan: *laughing at orphan jokes* some person: stop laughing, it's sad to laugh at your pain me an orphan: that the funny part, what am I going to do, tell my parents?

i was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled " do you know CPR?" i replied "i know the entire alphabet!" we all laughed and laughed, well. except one person

When knife tells Annoying Orange "I'm trying something new", Annoying Orange said "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs

They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian. -- Well they're not laughing now!

What do you call a black person scuba diving? A black diver (an armor set from DeepWoken) did anyone laugh at that or?? Augh i guess im alone

All of you idiots who think that it is ok to laugh about us foster kids needs to be shot

WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOU SEE A NlGGER SHOT 50 TIMES? STOP LAUGHING AND RELOAD.

My friend who is in a wheelchair told me a joke and i burst out laughing. I told him he should be a stand up comedian.