I remember my son's last words: "I stubbed my toe!"
Do you remember what Bruce Willis' last movies were?
Neither does he.
Last last, now everybody go chop breakfast.
An Asian gets a choice between his rice cooker or his son. He instantly picks the cooker and says, "He got a B+ in maths last week; he's a failure!"
What were Paul Walker's last words?
Hey, that tree's growing!
Last night little Johnny went to his room and saw people hanging out there, little balls.
We were talking about ancient ruins last week, so I said they can ruin your day!
I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.
"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"
Why did the adopted kid eat the last cookie? Because he was the only one left to adopt; everyone hated him.
How come yo mama did not come straight home from work last night? Because her daughter had sex with her boyfriend and got drunk.
I fucked your mum last night, that she was salty.
Q) What was the last pizza delivery to 9/11?
A) Two large planes.
Why don't you see any more fat Chinese men?
Because the last Chinese man was in WW2.
Little Johnny asks a fireman, "Do you want to see my fire truck?"
So the fireman goes to look at it. Little Johnny tested it. "I got my hat in my fire truck."
So the fireman says, "Last night's alright, but why is it tied up to you wagging?" And he looks closer and sees the string is tied up in knots. He said, "That's nice all right, but why is it tied up to his nuts?"
The little Johnny said, "Well that's my son," and so he yanks on it.
What was the last thing going through the minds of the people who jumped out of the buildings during 9/11?
Their ankles.
what were stephen hawkings last words
the windows XP log out sound
The best night of my life was when I gave my virginity to my wife, and her last word was when she called me "Mommy" at the top of her lungs before I knocked her up 😍.
I will remember my classmate's last words: "Ahh, my pen's ink spilled on my computer!"
MISSING!!
MISSING!!
Name: Ghostiano Penaldo
Missing: 27/6/2021 vs Belgium
Characteristics: Disappearing in big games + Diving + always ranting "give me penalty".
Last found - Practicing tap ins.
Possible Locations: Penalty Spot, Parma, Crotone.
Might be dangerous towards good players.
A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?"
The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."
An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room."
"You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."
A penguin takes his car to the shop, and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."
"No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."
If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?
A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect."
"Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
