Last Will Jokes

What was Stephen Hawking's last meal?

His left shoulder.

You're so skinny you're a thin stick.

You're so fat that when you got in Pacific Ocean, you became the Pacific Ocean.

You're so ugly you got stuff for free.

You're so nasty that when you eat spaghetti, you thought it was throw up.

You're so fat you're the fattest person on Earth.

You are so gay you kissed the boy last night.

The last time I ever made a joke was just now.

I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"

Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.

I was going to make alligator last night, but I noticed I only had a croc pot.

Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"

The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"

Why did Stephen die so early?

He didn't use long lasting batteries.

There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.

My boyfriend and I were playing baseball last night with some of our friends. Halfway through the game we took a break and he asked me to hold his balls for him whilst he went to the toilet.

All our friends were shocked when I went into the boys' bathroom with him.

Ok, ok, who is trying to be my "long lost brother"? Because last time I checked, I didn't have any sisters or brothers, so stop trying to steal my fame from me and give up. A lot of other people already know you are fake, so get off this website OR JUST STOP!!!

Why can't orphans go on vacation?

The last time they did, they fell in the toilet and had no one to help them out. Ugh!

I will remember my brother's last words: if you can't put a fork in a toaster, how about a spoon?

What was the last thing to go through Princess Diana’s head before she died?

The steering wheel.

You know how girls say, "I would have sex with you if you were the last person on earth"? Well, who's gonna stop me?

What's the last thing to go through the minds of 9/11 victims?

Their kneecaps.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

"You gave me the same sweater as last year."

"You s w e a t e r believe it."

I remember my grandma's last words:

"What are you doing with that axe?"

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

Error, error, error.

System shutting down.

How did pioneers name Canada?

They put a bunch of letters in a hat and pulled out three. The first one was "C, eh?" The second one was "N, eh?" The last letter was "D, eh?"

That's how they named "C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?"