Last Will Jokes

Insult

You're so skinny you're a thin stick.

You're so fat that when you got in Pacific Ocean, you became the Pacific Ocean.

You're so ugly you got stuff for free.

You're so nasty that when you eat spaghetti, you thought it was throw up.

You're so fat you're the fattest person on Earth.

You are so gay you kissed the boy last night.

Ladder

I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"

Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.

Tree

Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"

The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"

Reaction

There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.

Ball

My boyfriend and I were playing baseball last night with some of our friends. Halfway through the game we took a break and he asked me to hold his balls for him whilst he went to the toilet.

All our friends were shocked when I went into the boys' bathroom with him.

Brother

Ok, ok, who is trying to be my "long lost brother"? Because last time I checked, I didn't have any sisters or brothers, so stop trying to steal my fame from me and give up. A lot of other people already know you are fake, so get off this website OR JUST STOP!!!

Orphan

Why can't orphans go on vacation?

The last time they did, they fell in the toilet and had no one to help them out. Ugh!

Toaster

I will remember my brother's last words: if you can't put a fork in a toaster, how about a spoon?

Head

What was the last thing to go through Princess Diana’s head before she died?

The steering wheel.

Sex

You know how girls say, "I would have sex with you if you were the last person on earth"? Well, who's gonna stop me?

Banana

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Axe

I remember my grandma's last words:

"What are you doing with that axe?"

Word

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

Error, error, error.

System shutting down.