When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.
Weird.
Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
What's the last thing to go through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Their kneecaps.
There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.
My boyfriend and I were playing baseball last night with some of our friends. Halfway through the game we took a break and he asked me to hold his balls for him whilst he went to the toilet.
All our friends were shocked when I went into the boys' bathroom with him.
The last time I ever made a joke was just now.
i was going to make alligator last night but i noticed i only had a croc pot
Why did Stephen die so early?
He didn't use long lasting batteries.
My son asked me, “What is angel cake made of?”
I reply by listing the ingredients in Mr. Kipling angel cakes. Then he shouts “STOP!” I stop as I reach food colorings. He slowly crawls towards me and says in a whisper, “Well, in my angel cake, I put angels in them.”
I freaked out about this, so I calmed down and asked who did you put in this angel cake. He said, “Grandma, the one who died last Saturday.”
Son said to father, "Last night was the best you and Mom..."
Father said, "Yeah, me, you, and your mother had sex."
Son said, "It was fun licking her pussy."
Father said, "I know it was fun when I sucked YOUR dick and your mother did. Did it feel good?"
Son said, "Yes, it was. Wanna do it again tomorrow?"
Father said, "YES BUT without your mom, we'll suck each other's dick and lick it and bite and shove each other's dick next to each other."
Son said, "Yeah, and if we do it again, let's have Mom and my girlfriend join next time."
Father said, "Ok, it's time to go to bed, son."
Son said, "Ok, love you, can you and Mom sleep with me without your clothes?"
Father said, "Ok, but you have to promise to go to bed."
Son said, "Ok, see you there." 💕👅👅👅💦💦💦💦💦💦🙈🙈💦💦💦💦💦
F1, F2, F3, do you know what’s after F3?
- F4, F U, then last F U Q.
What were Brian Cant's last words before he died?
"I used to do it, but now I cant!"
Pick up line for girls with the last name "Berg": "I may be a tall glass of whiskey, but I'm nothing with out a few ice Bergs".
Yo mama is so fat she couldn't even fit through the rabbit hole at first because she ate like a damn pig last night when we had dinner.
when a lady gets marries what does she borrow? She borrows her husband last name?
The witch doctor came in my mouth last week. First hot meal I’ve had in weeks
i find this website i see this person named gwen i simp fr her but just for a troll. next thing ik were some how dating? then her ex comes in and dates her again apparently he is gay. and im pretty shure gwen could be a boy but he or she has 3 friends who always back her up, just to let yall know this isnt really supposed be a dating app or drama app its a joke app and this isnt really a joke. but one last thing u guys are all biches...
I remember my son's last words: "I stubbed my toe!"
Do you remember what Bruce Willis' last movies were?
Neither does he.
Last last, now everybody go chop breakfast.
