There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
What was the last thing going through the minds of the people who jumped out of the buildings during 9/11?
Their ankles.
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?
What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?
"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?
Their last big hit was the wall.
