Kids jokes
Little Johnny was getting beaten up by two kids, so I came and helped.
He won’t stand against the three of us!
I beat up a deaf kid the other day. I had to. He kept throwing up gang signs.
When the school shooter asks the autistic kid which hostage he wants to rape, and he looks at you like 😋.
What is the similarity between a sloth and a depressed kid?
They both hang from trees.
What do you call an annoying emo kid? A nuisance.
When the school shooter is about to leave the room, then the autistic kid says, "Goodbye!"
The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.
"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.
"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.
Why do kids want to become cops?
They want to find the guy who touched them.
What do you say to a kid in a trash compactor?
You looking a little square.
When I was acting up, my mother used to tell me, "I brought you into this world, and I will take you out. I gave you life, and I can also take it." So my son was acting up and talking back to me. Now I'm being charged with murder. I don't understand. I thought it was okay to kill your own kids.
Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”
Kid: “Whatever!”
Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”
Kid: “Doesn't matter!”
Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”
Kid: “Oh well!”
Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”
Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."
Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."
Classroom: *visible panic*
The depressed kid went to give a tree a high five...
...but it left him hanging.
Grandma: You guy's generation is on too much technology.
Kid: Well, you're the ones that raised us.
Other family members: ...
What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.
Wanna know why the plane actually crashed?
Someone turned off flight mode.
(Or a kid just turned on airplane mode.)
These cannibal kids come running into the cave and ask their mom what's for dinner? She says, "Dad's gonna grill wieners!"
Kid: I have the corona virus!
Nurse: Here is an ice pack.
"I told my kids not to spend all day at a computer, but then I realized I do that myself."