Kids jokes
What’s a kid with Down syndrome's favorite candy... Grunts.
What sexual position produces the ugliest kids? Ask your mum!
What is a fun game for an emo kid?
Tug-o-war with a tree.
How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
How do you get an emo kid out of a tree? Cut the rope.
Me: Hey, I have candy.
Kid: Right next to me, can I have some?
Me: Some of deez nuts.
I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not the rocks, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.
Kids in the backseat make accidents, but accidents in the backseat make kids.
If a deaf kid swears in sign language, does his mom wash his hands with soap?
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a bulb?
None, because they all cry in the dark.
In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.
Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."
Dad: I get to touch animals every day at the zoo.
Kid: Why?
Dad: I clean up animal s*** at the zoo.
Kid: I have the corona virus!
Nurse: Here is an ice pack.
The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.
"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.
"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.
What did Osama get on his test when he was a kid? A 9/11.
What is the difference between a tree and a school?
A school is for kids, and a tree is for birds.
What do you call a disabled kid who is blind?
A grape chilli bean.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.
My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path."
People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor. Lol.
One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.
She asked me, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."
She asked, "What does that mean?"
I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."
What has eight legs and leaves kids alone? The Jackson 4.