Kids jokes
What game is for kids? Uno.
What has tree roots and what do I have for kids? What is the difference between a human and a used tire?
Tree roots are under the tree, and used tires are under the Hummer.
What time is it when your kids stay home from school? S'no time!
What is a show for kids?
Barney.
What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and my kid?
I only stuff the turkey.
My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."
What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?
You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.
You can make fun of adopted kids all you want. What are they going to do, tell their parents on you? Lol.
What's the difference between broccoli and a booger?
Kids won't eat broccoli.
Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?
Because she loves raisin kids.
How to tell your kid he's adopted:
Son, I'm a virgin.
My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
What is the name of a show for kids?
Barney.
Why do dead babies cry? Just kidding, they are dead.
Why do kids have school every day? So that they can learn.
What brings kids to school every day?
A school bus 🚌.
Why is Mrs. Grapes 🍇 a good mother?
Because she loves raisin' kids.
What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?
•Terminal
The quiet kid starts playing "Pumped Up Kicks" in the parking lot before school.
They say I’m sliced like the apples in a kids meal.