Joke jokes
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
What's the difference between a white kid and a computer?
The child has no trouble shooting.
A blondie and a redneck jumped off a building. Which one will land first?
The redneck because the blonde will ask for directions.
Why was 4 not impressed when 5 won a prize for 6?
Because 511472.
Funny things or weird things to say to someone.
Hey... have you kissed a girl before? Weird things to say to someone.
It's hard to find friends that [are] 91% funny, 100% nice, and 1000000% good-looking. Funny!
Weird names to call a girl: Sweetums.
Baby-Bugga-Boo.
Fuzzkins.
Lumpy.
Nilly.
Ninty Minty.
and SEXY WITCH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Gross that's why I am not getting a bf!
Dark humor is like COVID-19... Not everyone gets it.
What kind of file turns a 1.5 cm hole into a 4.5 cm hole?
A pedophile.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Crippling depression.
Crippling depression who--?
Me.
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.
Rape jokes are so incredibly offensive to stupid women like me who don’t understand what comedy is.
Why did Sally get a black eye?
Because she tried to play patty cake.
Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*
Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?
Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~
What is the difference between a dead baby and an orphan?
The dead baby happened on purpose while the orphan came out as an accident!
Charli tries to roast me: Roses are red, violets are blue, and you look like poo.
Me: You must have been born on the highway because that's where most accidents happen.
What's 12 inches long, red, and when I force feed it to my wife, she cries?
Her miscarriage.
Stephen Hawking walked in a bar...
Just kidding.
What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day?
"Deja moo!"
What was the last thing that went through Aiden's head before he died?
His elbow.
What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?
At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.
*bowl of dark grapes*
Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.
Friend 2: Black? Good one.
Friend 1: 21 at a time.