Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Crippling depression.
Crippling depression who--?
Me.
Joke Jokes
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.
Rape jokes are so incredibly offensive to stupid women like me who don’t understand what comedy is.
Why did Sally get a black eye?
Because she tried to play patty cake.
Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*
Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?
Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~
What is the difference between a dead baby and an orphan?
The dead baby happened on purpose while the orphan came out as an accident!
Charli tries to roast me: Roses are red, violets are blue, and you look like poo.
Me: You must have been born on the highway because that's where most accidents happen.
What's 12 inches long, red, and when I force feed it to my wife, she cries?
Her miscarriage.
Stephen Hawking walked in a bar...
Just kidding.
What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day?
"Deja moo!"
What was the last thing that went through Aiden's head before he died?
His elbow.
What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?
At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.
*bowl of dark grapes*
Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.
Friend 2: Black? Good one.
Friend 1: 21 at a time.
Steven Hawking walks into a bar... no, I'm just kidding.
Knock, knock. Who's there? You're adopted.
What do you call a friendly noise? A sound wave.
If you shoot at a school of fish, could you call it a school shooting?
Why do women have small feet?
So they can stand closer to the sink.
I was making fun of an orphan, then I realized he tracked me down. I made a bad decision. He was Batman!
Do you know pigeons die when they have sex?
I mean, the one I fucked died.
