Joke jokes
This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."
What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
A blind old guy asked me if I had any money to spare. I laughed and said I had a gold tooth.
I don't have any now.
Donald Trump being president is the biggest joke.
If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?
I love going to Hooters and looking at the menu... If you know what I mean;)
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What's the best thing about fucking 21 year olds?
There's 20 of them.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Robin.
Robin who?
Robin you, that is who.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Apaches.
Apaches who?
Apaches on your eye.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Por que.
Por que who?
"That's all, folks," in the words of Por que Pig.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Abajo.
Abajo who?
I have abajo of water with me.
What does a cat say when it's angry?
- Stop stressing meowt!
OMG, I had a really good hand joke, but I just couldn't put my finger on it.
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says, “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies, “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies, “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent, and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Ok, now what?”
If a person walks off a hundred-foot cliff and halfway down screams, "Why did I do that?" Then a second person walks off the same one-hundred-foot cliff and screams the same verse, "Why did I do that?" Then another person walks off the cliff and screams the same line, "Why did I do that," and the next person does the same thing. What do you call that?
(Stupid People)
Why can’t Stephen Hawking go to heaven?
Because it’s a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.
The morbid jokes on this site.
What's the fastest way to Shepherd's Bush?
Up Shepherd's leg.
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.