it's jokes
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
Your hairline goes so far back it looks like Will Smith slapped it.
Why do orphans love playing with boomerangs? Because it always comes back.
Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?
God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!
Everyone knows why 6 is scared of 7, cuz 7 8 9.
But why does 10 have PTSD?
Cuz it’s between 9/11.
Maybe the reason there isn't any physical evidence is because it didn't happen.
What’s the name of OceanGate’s next submarine?
Judging by the breathing conditions on their subs, I bet they’ll call it the "George Floyd."
Your hairline is so bad it was used as the Starbucks logo!
This year the London marathon was run on your hairline. It was so far back no one could complete it!
Ever tried looking in a mirror lately? I wouldn't, your crooked hairline might break it.
If your hairline was a river, it would meander left, right, and backwards.
What came before the dinosaurs?
Your hairline, because it's so far back!
If you measured your hairline with a protractor, it would show 90 degrees.
If I measured your forehead, it would be 100,000,000,000,000,000 miles long.
If you tried to look at your hairline in a mirror, it would shatter into 100,000,000,000 pieces.
How can you tell it's a gay barbecue?
'Cause all the hot dogs taste like shit.
This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."
Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.
What was OceanGate's biggest regret?
Not painting Dylan Mulvaney on the side of the Titan submarine for when it sunk like Bud Light's profits.
If an orphan wins the lottery, what do they have to use all of it on?
Years of child support!
Me: I been up all night, no sleep--
The lie detector I didn’t know I had: Lie.
Me: stfu! I’m just singing!
Lie detector: You literally listen to music all the time... you almost don’t even sleep!
Me: THEN WHY THE FUCK DID TOU SAY IT’S A LIE, WHEN I SAID I DIDN’T SLEEP?!
Lie detector: It’s 3:00 AM in 8 minutes, you usually close your eyes to sleep when it’s 5:00 AM... You get waken up at 7:00 AM... you only sleep two hours......