IT jokes
Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.
What happens when you get a virus-related sickness? It goes viral on Twitter!
Why was the Burnside Bridge so hot?
Because it's on the burning side.
They told me Avengers: Endgame was going to be 3 hours long, but honestly? I felt like it was over in a SNAP!
I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
Why can't you hear the Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because its pee is silent.
Have you heard about the new cereal?
It's called "Prostituties."
They don't snap, crackle, or pop, but they sure do bang!
I heard an unusual word the other day: "Opaque."
Unfortunately, what it means is unclear.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
Why can’t orphans pick up their phone after school?
Because they need their parents to go pick it up.
🎨🧑🏻🦰 day was that good fun day at home 🏠. I had to the earth and I love it when you get a home and walk walk home from school and walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home 🏠. Was your birthday 🎁? I did.
Teacher: Great! You’re studying in break time!
Student: Thank you. I heard that it is good to study before sleep.
What does it mean when a man sits on a boulder instead of on the ground?
A bolder choice.
One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!
Yesterday I went to a lightbulb party, and it was lit.
Braille is not that hard to learn, you just got to have a feel for it.
Why do people drink Starbucks? Because it's too hot to handle!
I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.
"If all of these structures break we will all die."
And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"
And he said, "It would be breaking news."
How do you make a handkerchief dance?
You put a little boogie in it.