IT jokes
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said: “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”
God said, "Let there be light," and it was lit!
"Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other."
Our family is known for unusually sloppy diarrhea.
It runs in our jeans.
I’ve been told I’ve got a perfect cock. She sure was hard on me when I cut it off, though.
I've been told I've got a perfect cock.
She sure was hard on me when I took it from her, though.
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Why is Ronan's forehead the size of Jupiter? Because he dropped the TV on his forehead. It also had rings.
Why is Jupiter's ring stuck in orbit? Because Ronan's forehead kept it stuck in orbit.
Snails are like sperm, slow and sloppy.
Can I tell you a cat joke?
Yes, 'cause it's purr-fect.
What does a nosey paper do?
It gets "Jalapeño" your face!
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts to do it.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts to do it.
I was going to write a joke about my penis, but it was too lång and overused.
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired!
I’m working on a good pun, but it makes no one laugh.
Why?
I don’t have a clue.
Why is the B so cool? Because it’s in between A and C.
What happens when a frog parks illegally?
It gets toad.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
What were Brian Cant's last words before he died?
"I used to do it, but now I cant!"
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.